As 2017 was coming to an end, I began reflecting on the year. 2017 was not a great year for me. This eventually led me to think about my life as a whole. I ended up going down a rabbit-hole of self-pity. I thought about every mistake and wrong turn that I made in the last few years. I thought about what should have been and what could have been. After about an hour of sulking in my sorrows, I was left with the question-- what am I doing with my life?
My husband is an amazing painter and has spent the last two years working on his craft. My three siblings are all working towards their dream careers... And then there’s me. I have a job but it's nothing close to a dream. I have two degrees that I don't know how I want to use and a ton of debt. I have no idea what my “dream job” is. Thinking about all of this left me feeling passionless and unmotivated.
Overall, I am happy. But I’m not content with where I am in life. I don’t know who I am outside of being a mother and a wife. Furthermore, I’m not sure who I want to be or what I want to be. Is that okay? Should I want more? In 20 years, will I regret that I spent so many years being just a mother and a wife?
When I shared my feelings with my sister, she told me I was having a quarter-life crisis. I thought she made the term up but according to Google, it’s a very common feeling. She also reminded me about the blog that I was supposed to start years ago. Coincidentally, my husband also reminded me about the blog that I never started when I told him about how I was feeling.
A quarter-life crisis led me to creating Love, Chaz. Blogging has been on my mind for a few years but I never knew what to write about. I also thought that I wasn’t interesting enough. But I realized that I was dealing with feelings that other people could relate to. I decided that creating a blog would be my #1 goal for 2018. I can honestly say that working on this blog for the last two months has given me a sense of fulfillment that I have not experienced in a long while.
Special thanks to my husband and my siblings for encouraging me to follow through with creating my blog. I also have to give a special thank you to my good friend, Shermelle, for giving me the extra push that I needed.